Destructive Relationships & Their Impact on Health and Goal Achievement

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Destructive Relationships & Their Impact on Health and Goal Achievement

Relationships shape our health, well-being, and ability to reach our goals. They can provide energy, security, and joy – but they can also be harmful.

A destructive relationship is characterized by imbalance, where one person controls, violates, or harms the other – psychologically, physically, emotionally, or financially. This can involve overt abuse, but also subtle forms of control: isolating a partner from friends, constant criticism, or using silence as punishment. These patterns can appear in romantic relationships, friendships, and family relationships.

People who grew up with insecure attachment or emotional neglect may later find themselves in relationships where they unconsciously repeat childhood patterns. They may feel a need to adapt to be loved and struggle to set boundaries, sometimes interpreting control as care (Johnson, 2019; Young et al., 2003).

How Destructive Relationships Affect Us

The effects can be both psychological and physical, influenced by the type, intensity, and duration of the relationship.

Psychological effects:

  • Anxiety and constant worry

  • Low mood, lack of energy, and feelings of hopelessness

  • Post-traumatic reactions such as flashbacks and nightmares

  • Feelings of guilt and shame

  • Identity confusion after long periods of adaptation

Physical effects:

  • Sleep disturbances and restless sleep

  • Chronic pain, e.g., tension headaches or neck and back pain

  • Weakened immune system and increased risk of infections

  • Increased risk of cardiovascular disease with long-term stress (Evans et al., 2013)

Many cope with inner pain through behaviors that provide short-term relief – food, alcohol, work, or exercise – but that do not build health or relationships in the long run.

Why Others May Misunderstand

People in destructive relationships may struggle to describe their situation. They may downplay their experiences or blame themselves. To others, it may appear as:

  • Emotional instability

  • Conflicting feelings – swinging between defensiveness and criticism

  • Fear and hypervigilance

Destructive patterns are often subtle and develop slowly, which means many only realize what they have been through much later.

The Path Forward

Leaving a destructive relationship is never easy. It’s not only about external obstacles such as finances or children, but also about internal patterns, fear of loneliness, and guilt. The path forward begins with awareness: understanding why we ended up where we are.

Relationships can also be healing, but this requires:

  • Boundary-setting – learning to say no without guilt

  • Identifying your own needs – knowing what is important to you

  • Seeking supportive people – relationships where you are seen and respected

Creating safe and empowering relationships is crucial for holistic health – mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Below you will find all the posts in the blog series Relationshops: 

Relationships part 1

Relationships part 2

Relationships part 3

Relationships part 4

Relationships part 5

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