Mentalizing ability

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Today I want to write a bit about mentalizing ability.

Good health has many aspects that go beyond both nutrition and exercise. Since I’ve chosen to work from a holistic perspective — not only focusing on training and nutrition, but also on the whole person through conversation and reflection — I want to talk about a very important concept: mentalizing ability.

This is something I’ve often written about in my analyses and assessments during my years as a consultant and investigator, as it plays a crucial role in a child’s development. For a child to thrive, it’s essential to have an attachment figure with a well-developed ability to mentalize.

But mentalizing isn’t just important in our relationships with children — it’s equally vital in all our relationships.
You might wonder why I’m talking about relationships.

Well, because at our core, we are social beings. We have a deep need to form and maintain close connections — it’s wired into us for survival. I think we all know how it feels when something isn’t working in a relationship, and how strongly that can affect our health and well-being. Healthy, supportive relationships are fundamental for us to feel good.

So, what exactly is mentalizing?

In his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Matthew D. Lieberman describes it like this:

“The ability to understand that others can have differing beliefs and perspectives begins to develop before school age, but even in adulthood, this ability is often used rather inefficiently. Nevertheless, mentalizing is one of the most remarkable achievements of the human mind — one that sets us apart from other species.”

“Mentalizing allows us to imagine not only what others think and feel right now, but also how they might react to almost any future event. It even enables us to imagine how their reactions would change if their development, interests, or life circumstances shifted.”
(Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Matthew D. Lieberman, 2013)

In simpler terms, mentalizing is about how we reflect on ourselves and others — our ability to see ourselves from the outside and understand others from the inside. You might say that good self-reflection + good empathy = good mentalizing ability.

The degree of our mentalizing ability affects how we see ourselves, how we communicate with others, and how we handle challenges in life. It’s a truly fundamental capacity — and one that’s essential for well-being and healthy relationships. The good news is that it’s something we can develop and strengthen over time.

/Coach Angelica



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